What a week it has been. Today has hit me kinda hard.... news after news just flows and none of it is things i want to hear. I think that i'm supposed to be alone...
i think this is karma getting me back for the wrongs i've done. like this is a weird circle of events that just revolve around guys for me... like remember how i spoke of the guys in my first blog? ok well it's happened again just 2 different guys... i get to be the lover and the pretender at the same time.. god this isn't even making sense
why is everyone moving on without me? everyone's getting engaged or into a serious relationship and i'm the one that got stuck with a relationshit. i won't be getting over cody anytime soon, unfortunately. me and dave are "talking" i guess you'd say... i like how that friendship has livened up recently ...although i don't know how i feel about him. i used to be so crazy about him. i'm also talking (not talking talking though) to this other dude that i cannot disclose information about... he lives in enterprise though. definitely cannot have him though... why do i bother. then theres this other dude in ft. walton that i've had my eye on for a couple of months that i met on singlesnet.... he seems cool but i'm not really feelin it just yet. alex is engaged according to his myspace that i checked on today (he isn't on my friends list so i have to remember the link.) That was hard for me to take in.... i don't have time to worry about him though. that's just old painful memories now.
"that's just old painful memories now" a phrase that i'm getting to use alot nowadays....
someone help me? i hate being like this... just wait, the best part is yet to come though
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
sorry? no ho
OK, 18 now. and things just keep gettin better and better. not.
first of all, being 18 doesn't feel any different... just as i suspected. and all it basically means is that i can be tried as an adult, get into sex shops and other places that i couldn't legally be inside of before and buy cigarettes and other tobacco products in florida... oh and date older men.. legally. anyways, i've only been 18 for like 4 days now. i spent most of the 20th with cody and the following night... fun fun. not sure why though, i guess i went expecting something that wasn't going to happen after all. i want him back so bad =( i want to not love him so much, i want to not care...
i got my first speeding ticket on the 21st! i was doing 20 miles over the speed limit and i believe that'd be called wreckless driving. it had just turned into a 35mph zone and i was doing 55mph freshly off the interstate practically. i told dad and he isn't mad at all, surprisingly. he even volunteered to pay it himself but to not tell mom of any of this... i didn't try to talk him out of it. =)
christmas is tomorrow and it doesn't even feel like winter here... nothing feels the way it's supposed to anymore.
oh and how come crazy sex scenes only show up in movies when you're parents are around? unbelievable awkwardness and shit... yeah
first of all, being 18 doesn't feel any different... just as i suspected. and all it basically means is that i can be tried as an adult, get into sex shops and other places that i couldn't legally be inside of before and buy cigarettes and other tobacco products in florida... oh and date older men.. legally. anyways, i've only been 18 for like 4 days now. i spent most of the 20th with cody and the following night... fun fun. not sure why though, i guess i went expecting something that wasn't going to happen after all. i want him back so bad =( i want to not love him so much, i want to not care...
i got my first speeding ticket on the 21st! i was doing 20 miles over the speed limit and i believe that'd be called wreckless driving. it had just turned into a 35mph zone and i was doing 55mph freshly off the interstate practically. i told dad and he isn't mad at all, surprisingly. he even volunteered to pay it himself but to not tell mom of any of this... i didn't try to talk him out of it. =)
christmas is tomorrow and it doesn't even feel like winter here... nothing feels the way it's supposed to anymore.
oh and how come crazy sex scenes only show up in movies when you're parents are around? unbelievable awkwardness and shit... yeah
Sunday, December 14, 2008
why does this feel like a bad dream?
well, a few more days and i'll be 18. then florida and clubs, here i come... hopefully.
i tried having fun last night.... i went out with kristina and patrick to the movies. mistake; apparantly i can't be around couples again just yet without crying. ugh..
afterwards i bummed a cigarette from patrick and courtney called wondering if i wanted to go to a bonfire with her.... which was fine because it was only freezing outside and the fire would feel good, i thought. so, went there... had pretend fun then went to the depo w/ courtney and bethany... hung out there then decided to go home around midnight or so?
anyways, i've been been to the doctor and the emergency room this week and they thought i had some sort of viral infection and dehydration... yay. i'm fine now though. now, i just need to work on the depression.... but i think the paxil might help out with that.
i have exams this week and then i'm finished for this year... then school starts back around jan. the 7th? i'm not sure... not like it'll matter because i'll still have to go to work so it won't feel like a real break. eh i'll write more later
i tried having fun last night.... i went out with kristina and patrick to the movies. mistake; apparantly i can't be around couples again just yet without crying. ugh..
afterwards i bummed a cigarette from patrick and courtney called wondering if i wanted to go to a bonfire with her.... which was fine because it was only freezing outside and the fire would feel good, i thought. so, went there... had pretend fun then went to the depo w/ courtney and bethany... hung out there then decided to go home around midnight or so?
anyways, i've been been to the doctor and the emergency room this week and they thought i had some sort of viral infection and dehydration... yay. i'm fine now though. now, i just need to work on the depression.... but i think the paxil might help out with that.
i have exams this week and then i'm finished for this year... then school starts back around jan. the 7th? i'm not sure... not like it'll matter because i'll still have to go to work so it won't feel like a real break. eh i'll write more later
Sunday, December 7, 2008
walmart: a place for sinners
well, here's a heads-up on my weekend so far.
friday night- went to courtneys house, watched her "primp" for kyle for like an hour lol, went to churches chicken with her to retrieve foods, tried my first liver...hated it...spit it out,(livers taste like canned dog food smells, btw), waited for kyle to get there.... acted like a yahoo with him when he did, ordered a slice of strawberry pie, left there with him *stole his remaining boones farm and drunk some*, went back to courtneys with him where he wanted to paint my nails =\.....( they're black now) =)
this is too much typing so i shall sum up the rest because yeah..
shortly after returning to courtneys and the painting of the nails ritual, kyle and i decided that we wanted to exercise his rights... he's 18... so we drove to florida (after kidnapping courtney and forcing her to come with us against her will) and bought cigarettes and smoked out at the wonderful florala lake that has many many glorious alligators in it.
i inhaled wrong again or something and threw up just a lil but i got the hang of it now! omg it relaxed me so much... i'm not addicted though, i don't think... lol
mom does not know. she knows NOTHING. =) she threatened to ground me that night too cause i didnt answer the phone when she called around 11. she makes me laugh. pshh.. she can ground me for like 13 days.... i'd ignore it anyways but god.. that's ridiculous. anyways, i slept like a baby that night... i slept for like 14 hours. it was great.
ok, saturday night- went to enterprise and spent moms moneys. bought a new comforter for my bed that i thought matched my room and some 400 thread count sheets.... o m g, orgasmic sleep later that night btw. got home, decided that the comforter didn't match my room and mom suggested going to walmart to swap it for one that did. i was in walmart at like 2:30 in the morning.... great place to be at that time of the night. lotsa weirdos there too at that time... like bad. anyways, when i finally got back home we made up my bed and i layed down, discovering that i was NOT sleepy... that night i also discovered that i had the science channel for free preview month or something of that nature. ive been watching it all day today.... i've done nothing but watch shit to do with dinasaurs. i have to work sometime today... i really don't wanna but i need to get caught up or they gone fire my assness.
i still gotta do my christmas shopping too...
my friends keep saying stuff to me like "are we doin' christmas this year?" and you can't say no to that... so i add another person to my list. i get paid this week though, it won't be a wonderful check though cause i only wored like 27 hours the whole 2 weeks *crys on the floor*
oh well, enough of this! i'm going to
friday night- went to courtneys house, watched her "primp" for kyle for like an hour lol, went to churches chicken with her to retrieve foods, tried my first liver...hated it...spit it out,(livers taste like canned dog food smells, btw), waited for kyle to get there.... acted like a yahoo with him when he did, ordered a slice of strawberry pie, left there with him *stole his remaining boones farm and drunk some*, went back to courtneys with him where he wanted to paint my nails =\.....( they're black now) =)
this is too much typing so i shall sum up the rest because yeah..
shortly after returning to courtneys and the painting of the nails ritual, kyle and i decided that we wanted to exercise his rights... he's 18... so we drove to florida (after kidnapping courtney and forcing her to come with us against her will) and bought cigarettes and smoked out at the wonderful florala lake that has many many glorious alligators in it.
i inhaled wrong again or something and threw up just a lil but i got the hang of it now! omg it relaxed me so much... i'm not addicted though, i don't think... lol
mom does not know. she knows NOTHING. =) she threatened to ground me that night too cause i didnt answer the phone when she called around 11. she makes me laugh. pshh.. she can ground me for like 13 days.... i'd ignore it anyways but god.. that's ridiculous. anyways, i slept like a baby that night... i slept for like 14 hours. it was great.
ok, saturday night- went to enterprise and spent moms moneys. bought a new comforter for my bed that i thought matched my room and some 400 thread count sheets.... o m g, orgasmic sleep later that night btw. got home, decided that the comforter didn't match my room and mom suggested going to walmart to swap it for one that did. i was in walmart at like 2:30 in the morning.... great place to be at that time of the night. lotsa weirdos there too at that time... like bad. anyways, when i finally got back home we made up my bed and i layed down, discovering that i was NOT sleepy... that night i also discovered that i had the science channel for free preview month or something of that nature. ive been watching it all day today.... i've done nothing but watch shit to do with dinasaurs. i have to work sometime today... i really don't wanna but i need to get caught up or they gone fire my assness.
i still gotta do my christmas shopping too...
my friends keep saying stuff to me like "are we doin' christmas this year?" and you can't say no to that... so i add another person to my list. i get paid this week though, it won't be a wonderful check though cause i only wored like 27 hours the whole 2 weeks *crys on the floor*
oh well, enough of this! i'm going to
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Woo!
This past weekened was awesome. 2 freakin days with him... chyea. My parents have no idea... which is wonderful and it means that i'll get to do it again soon (hopefully this coming weekend)! I feel bad though because i have the power to make us both lose all track of time =\ and apparantly i run into things alot too (it's a talent, actually). lol
Anyways, his apartment is great. I really like it... and the picture that hangs in his bathroom. =P
I can't wait to move out of here and have complete control over what i do, I hate having to lie to get to do stuff like what i've done this weekend but i don't regret it. Every second that i spend with him is worth it.
OH wonderful news, I'm moving out next year! Dunno where just yet, but I'm doin' it! =] and i have a very small list of stuff that i'll actually need. oh and another thing, i don't think i'm gonna start college as soon as i finish the cna course..... i want time OFF from any form of education. and i also don't know if i'm going to go into nursing anymore.... i'm thinking photography. or maybe pornography. HA!
I HAVE CONTACTS AGAIN! and they're violet. they're really not that noticeable though... but i like them. =)
Anyways, his apartment is great. I really like it... and the picture that hangs in his bathroom. =P
I can't wait to move out of here and have complete control over what i do, I hate having to lie to get to do stuff like what i've done this weekend but i don't regret it. Every second that i spend with him is worth it.
OH wonderful news, I'm moving out next year! Dunno where just yet, but I'm doin' it! =] and i have a very small list of stuff that i'll actually need. oh and another thing, i don't think i'm gonna start college as soon as i finish the cna course..... i want time OFF from any form of education. and i also don't know if i'm going to go into nursing anymore.... i'm thinking photography. or maybe pornography. HA!
I HAVE CONTACTS AGAIN! and they're violet. they're really not that noticeable though... but i like them. =)
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